What I'm Actually Looking For

Dating as a plus-size woman can be... interesting.

And by interesting, I mean exhausting.

Just as I am sure it is for people of any size.

Because sometimes it feels like you're navigating between two extremes.

On one side are the people who immediately see your body as a problem to solve.

The ones who start talking about workouts before they've learned your favorite color.

The ones who frame themselves as your future gym partner.

The ones who act like dating you comes with an unspoken self-improvement project.

As if the goal is to eventually transform you into someone else.

And on the other side?

The people who are far too interested in your body.

The ones who don't seem interested in getting to know you at all.

The ones who fetishize plus-size women.

The ones who make your size the most interesting thing about you.

The ones who are weirdly excited about feeding you, commenting on your body, or turning your existence into their fantasy.

And look, not to yuck anyone's yum.

People like what they like.

But that's not what I want.

I don't want to be someone's makeover project.

And I don't want to be someone's fetish.

I want to be someone's person.

I want someone who asks about my day.

Who wants to hear about the second master's degree I'm finishing.

Who listens to me talk about higher education, yoga, tattoos, fashion, pandas, and whatever random thing I'm obsessing over this week.

I want someone who notices the new dress because they know how excited I was to buy it.

Someone who understands that my body is part of me, but not the entirety of me.

I want genuine connection.

Solid communication.

Mutual effort.

Shared laughter.

Respect.

Consistency.

Someone who shows up.

Because showing up matters.

In a world full of situationships, mixed signals, and people who treat communication like an optional hobby, showing up feels surprisingly rare.

And some days, I'll admit it.

It feels like asking for those things is asking for too much.

Like maybe the standards should be lower.

Maybe I should settle.

Maybe I should accept less.

But every time that thought creeps in, I remind myself of something:

Wanting emotional intimacy is not asking for too much.

Wanting respect is not asking for too much.

Wanting communication is not asking for too much.

Wanting a partner who sees you as a whole person is not asking for too much.

Those aren't unrealistic expectations.

They're the foundation of a healthy relationship.

The truth is, I've spent enough years learning to value myself.

Learning to take up space.

Learning to stop shrinking.

Learning to love the person I am right now.

Why would I throw all of that away for someone who only sees my body?

Or someone who is waiting for me to become someone else?

I won't.

Because the right person won't be interested in changing me.

And they won't be interested in reducing me to a single characteristic either.

They'll be interested in knowing me.

The real me.

The complicated, ambitious, tattooed, overdressed, plus-size, degree-collecting, dress-loving, yoga-practicing version of me.

And honestly?

That's the only version available.

So is wanting real connection too much?

Some days it feels like it.

But deep down, I know it isn't.

The right person won't make it feel like too much.

They'll make it feel normal.

So....Here's to keeping hope alive. 💚